Swimming Against the Stream: Creating Your Business and Making Your Life
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Next in the story, two Swedes on bicycles approached you and you ran. I was awake, right? That was never the point. I was too drunk to speak English, too drunk to consent way before I was on the ground. I should have never been touched in the first place. If at any time I thought she was not responding, I would have stopped immediately. Someone else stopped you. How did you not notice while on top of me? You said, you would have stopped and gotten help.
I want to know, if those evil Swedes had not found me, how the night would have played out. Untangled the necklace wrapped around my neck? Closed my legs, covered me? Pick the pine needles from my hair?
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Asked if the abrasions on my neck and bottom hurt? Would you then go find a friend and say, Will you help me get her somewhere warm and soft? What would have happened to me? On top of all this, he claimed that I orgasmed after one minute of digital penetration. The nurse said there had been abrasions, lacerations, and dirt in my genitalia.
Was that before or after I came? To sit under oath and inform all of us, that yes I wanted it, yes I permitted it, and that you are the true victim attacked by Swedes for reasons unknown to you is appalling, is demented, is selfish, is damaging. It is enough to be suffering. It is another thing to have someone ruthlessly working to diminish the gravity of validity of this suffering.
My family had to see pictures of my head strapped to a gurney full of pine needles, of my body in the dirt with my eyes closed, hair messed up, limbs bent, and dress hiked up. And even after that, my family had to listen to your attorney say the pictures were after the fact, we can dismiss them. To listen to your attorney attempt to paint a picture of me, the face of girls gone wild, as if somehow that would make it so that I had this coming for me. To point out that in the voicemail, I said I would reward my boyfriend and we all know what I was thinking.
I assure you my rewards program is non transferable, especially to any nameless man that approaches me. He has done irreversible damage to me and my family during the trial and we have sat silently, listening to him shape the evening. The truth won, the truth spoke for itself. You are guilty. And I thought finally it is over, finally he will own up to what he did, truly apologize, we will both move on and get better.
You are very close. Assault is not an accident. Somehow, you still sound confused. Alcohol is not an excuse. Is it a factor? But alcohol was not the one who stripped me, fingered me, had my head dragging against the ground, with me almost fully naked.
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Having too much to drink was an amateur mistake that I admit to, but it is not criminal. Everyone in this room has had a night where they have regretted drinking too much, or knows someone close to them who has had a night where they have regretted drinking too much. Regretting drinking is not the same as regretting sexual assault.
We were both drunk, the difference is I did not take off your pants and underwear, touch you inappropriately, and run away. You said, If I wanted to get to know her, I should have asked for her number, rather than asking her to go back to my room. Even if you did know me, I would not want to be in this situation. My own boyfriend knows me, but if he asked to finger me behind a dumpster, I would slap him.
No girl wants to be in this situation. You said, I stupidly thought it was okay for me to do what everyone around me was doing, which was drinking. I was wrong. Again, you were not wrong for drinking. Everyone around you was not sexually assaulting me. You were wrong for doing what nobody else was doing, which was pushing your erect dick in your pants against my naked, defenseless body concealed in a dark area, where partygoers could no longer see or protect me, and my own sister could not find me.
Sipping fireball is not your crime. Peeling off and discarding my underwear like a candy wrapper to insert your finger into my body, is where you went wrong.
Why am I still explaining this. That was just my attorney and his way of approaching the case. Your attorney is not your scapegoat, he represents you.
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Did your attorney say some incredulously infuriating, degrading things? He said you had an erection, because it was cold. Campus drinking culture. Not awareness about campus sexual assault, or rape, or learning to recognize consent. Down with Jack Daniels. Down with Skyy Vodka. If you want talk to people about drinking go to an AA meeting. You realize, having a drinking problem is different than drinking and then forcefully trying to have sex with someone?
Show men how to respect women, not how to drink less. Drinking culture and the sexual promiscuity that goes along with that. Goes along with that, like a side effect, like fries on the side of your order. Where does promiscuity even come into play? Campus Sexual Assault. Rest assured, if you fail to fix the topic of your talk, I will follow you to every school you go to and give a follow up presentation.
A life, one life, yours, you forgot about mine. Let me rephrase for you, I want to show people that one night of drinking can ruin two lives. You and me. You are the cause, I am the effect. You have dragged me through this hell with you, dipped me back into that night again and again.
You knocked down both our towers, I collapsed at the same time you did. If you think I was spared, came out unscathed, that today I ride off into sunset, while you suffer the greatest blow, you are mistaken. Nobody wins. We have all been devastated, we have all been trying to find some meaning in all of this suffering. My damage was internal, unseen, I carry it with me. You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.
See one thing we have in common is that we were both unable to get up in the morning. I am no stranger to suffering. You made me a victim. For a while, I believed that that was all I was. I had to force myself to relearn my real name, my identity.
To relearn that this is not all that I am. I am a human being who has been irreversibly hurt, my life was put on hold for over a year, waiting to figure out if I was worth something. My independence, natural joy, gentleness, and steady lifestyle I had been enjoying became distorted beyond recognition. I became closed off, angry, self deprecating, tired, irritable, empty.
The isolation at times was unbearable. You cannot give me back the life I had before that night either. While you worry about your shattered reputation, I refrigerated spoons every night so when I woke up, and my eyes were puffy from crying, I would hold the spoons to my eyes to lessen the swelling so that I could see. I showed up an hour late to work every morning, excused myself to cry in the stairwells, I can tell you all the best places in that building to cry where no one can hear you.
The pain became so bad that I had to explain the private details to my boss to let her know why I was leaving. I needed time because continuing day to day was not possible.
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I used my savings to go as far away as I could possibly be. My life was put on hold for over a year, my structure had collapsed. I used to pride myself on my independence, now I am afraid to go on walks in the evening, to attend social events with drinking among friends where I should be comfortable being. It is embarrassing how feeble I feel, how timidly I move through life, always guarded, ready to defend myself, ready to be angry.
You have no idea how hard I have worked to rebuild parts of me that are still weak. It took me eight months to even talk about what happened. I could no longer connect with friends, with everyone around me. I would scream at my boyfriend, my own family whenever they brought this up. You never let me forget what happened to me. At the of end of the hearing, the trial, I was too tired to speak.
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I would leave drained, silent. I would go home turn off my phone and for days I would not speak. You bought me a ticket to a planet where I lived by myself. Every time a new article come out, I lived with the paranoia that my entire hometown would find out and know me as the girl who got assaulted. You made my own hometown an uncomfortable place to be. You cannot give me back my sleepless nights. Tim Waterstone.
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Synopsis About this title Waterstone's was one of the three most financially successful business start-ups of the s and, culturally, may be considered to have changed the complexion and scale of bookselling in the British isles and Europe. About the Author : Tim Waterstone opened the first Waterstone's bookshop in Buy New View Book. Other Popular Editions of the Same Title. Search for all books with this author and title. Customers who bought this item also bought. Stock Image. Participants twist, kick and move up a storm for their cardio workout followed by specialized exercises for a total body workout.
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